Write What You Know
Choose a subject about which you are passionate and knowledgeable. Consider finding time to do a little research. Everybody likes to take something away from what they read and readers are likely to come back if they feel they’ve been educated by your post. If you know nothing, fear not: remember that most internet users will know even less than you! Bullshit with confidence and you are likely to hoodwink almost everyone!
Use Lots of Headlines
Use lots of headlines. They break up chunks of text. Nobody can cope with long or even middling chunks of text in the internet age. Remember: modern man has all the intellectual and analytical capabilities of a fence post. ‘He has the attention span of a homo sapiens’ is a commonly heard insult amongst gnats.
Photographs Are Even Better Than Headlines.
Photographs are even better than headlines. Although headlines break up the nasty words into manageable bite-size chunks, they are, you may have noticed, actually composed of words themselves! I know – it’s so easily overlooked! Photographs on the other hand, not only provide even bigger gaps between the awkward written bits, but are also much less demanding on your readers than headlines.
Don’t Be Afraid to Repeat Yourself
Don’t be afraid to repeat yourself. That’s right: don’t be afraid to repeat yourself. Repetition is your friend. Remember: your average reader is a dimwit. If you are going to get anything across, you’re really going to have to hammer it home.
Lists are, like, reeely cool.
- If you don’t have an amusing photo of a cat.
- Steal somebody else’s amusing photo of a cat.
- Failing that, if you insist on including words in your posts, then make lists!
- Lists are your friends!
- Don’t be afraid to repeat yourself!
- Exclamation marks add excitement!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
- Bullet points are easier to read than paragraphs.
- Your list needs a title like ‘32 things I wish I’d known about dubbin’.
- I doesn’t matter if you only have 5 things and not 32.
- Remember: your readers are barely literate, it’s hardly likely that they can count!
Try Not To Insult Your Readers.
Try not to insult your readers. But remember: it’s a wonder that they can adequately feed and clothe themselves. You can probably get away with murder.
Write While The Memory Is Fresh
Write while the memory is fresh. If your blog is, for all intents and purposes, a diary, try to keep up to date with your posts. Otherwise you run the risk of finding a handful of photos on file from a walk which you barely remember. Especially if your brain is turning to mush and your memory is leakier than the proverbial sieve. In those circumstances you might find yourself wittering on, extemporising a post which appears to be advice, but which is essentially an elaborate joke…….can I stop now?